Self-esteem is something we are born with but often lose or distort somewhere along our life’s journey. Nathaniel Branden, in his book, highlights three essential elements of self-esteem: self-awareness, self-efficacy, and self-respect. The latter implies having a sense of self-dignity and self-worth.
In my personal life, I have faced many challenging moments, injustices, and unkindness. These experiences have influenced my perception of people and the world I inhabit. The most difficult situations have molded me into a strong individual. If the trials of the past didn’t break me, I have a strong feeling that the worst is behind me. If I can survive and overcome those challenges, not much else can intimidate or shatter me. They say that to build a person, you must first break them. The strongest individuals often endure the most trials. However, not many mention that this gained strength isn’t necessarily complex.
Through my experiences, I developed a habit of not trusting people because I believed they were untrustworthy and often failed to keep their promises. I started to think that love, which is supposed to know no boundaries, actually has limitations, and relying on others can lead to disappointment. I learned to separate emotions and feelings from the decisions I make. I mastered the art of not failing and not getting too involved. I gained control over my feelings, reactions, and my environment because I had been broken and stripped of security. In my behavior and attitude, I created a false sense of security and excluded situations from my life that could threaten that security, particularly close relationships. Despite appearing strong and confident, my self-worth was lacking and incomplete. Rebuilding my self-worth and stitching myself back together helped me accept my situation, confront the danger, and face it head-on. When we confront the truth about ourselves and our situation, we move closer to drawing conclusions, improving our circumstances, and establishing our boundaries.
When we build self-worth, we also gain self-confidence. This confidence extends to our minds, actions, opinions, the consequences of our actions, and the rules we set. When we live in alignment with our beliefs and values, we become unstoppable and fierce because we have an unshakable belief that what we think and do is right. This kind of confidence is inspiring and is present in every main character and true leader, drawing others to us.
“I'm exactly the way I'm supposed to be. I fear nothing.”
"And I realized - I realized how badly I'd been treated before, if my standards had become so low. If the freedom I'd been granted felt like a privilege and not an inherent right [...] "You might be my mate, but you remain your own person. You decide your fate - your choices. Not me. You chose yesterday. You choose every day. Forever"
Much like Feyre’s journey, our self-esteem is a gift that we are born with, and it’s irrefutable unless we choose otherwise. The power of choice always rests with us; it’s our decision whether to exercise our right to freedom or surrender it to others, content with the scraps they offer. Feyre realized the truth, embraced it with courage, and recognized that it was always hers to claim. She let go of her feelings of inferiority and inadequacy, acknowledging that she was exactly as she was meant to be. Each of us possesses a true self-identity that is precisely what it should be – ideal and adequate. It’s our responsibility to see it, accept it, and set it free.
For a more in-depth exploration of the self-esteem theme, I invite you to visit my YouTube channel, which provides a detailed discussion on this topic.
Organize your life.
The first publication in the Untold product series, created to share methodology for organizing everyday life, cultivating systematic discipline, and developing proper habits. Drawing from the author's experience, knowledge, beliefs, and commonly available coaching tools, she aims to inspire you to take action and present you with a straightforward approach to achieving fulfillment and building self-esteem. Written in a simple way, it contains examples from everyday life, practical tips, exercises, and beautiful graphics. Available in e-book and audiobook.