Self-Confidence
In the course of therapy, the fundamental lesson we acquire is to build self-esteem and self-confidence. The core of this discipline lies in comprehending the concept at its heart, which is recognizing that the sense of security resides deep within us, waiting to be tapped into. This sense of security entails a profound awareness that, no matter what unfolds, we have the capacity to deal with it. It is fundamentally rooted in faith while simultaneously involving the release of fear and anxiety. It may sound simple and straightforward, but the journey toward it is often long and challenging. Shedding old patterns, rectifying misconceptions, and addressing past traumas that we all carry with us can at times appear nearly insurmountable. The true breakthrough in therapy or on the path to personal development is the sensation of this “security and strength” saturating every fiber of our being, so deeply ingrained in our body and soul that we struggle to articulate it with mere words.
For those who consider humanity the pinnacle of the evolutionary hierarchy, this focus on self-confidence is entirely justifiable. However, I discovered that self-confidence centered solely and exclusively on oneself felt insufficient. I frequently pondered in the evenings whether the inner strength I had once gained could be lost in the future. I began to examine the topic more broadly, considering it from the perspective of my faith, namely Christianity. I arrived at the conclusion that if self-esteem indeed hinges on self-belief, it wouldn’t be misguided to anchor it in faith in God, viewing it as a form of complement to one’s belief.
Now, I can imagine that in the minds of therapists and their patients alike, a big red warning light is flashing, as we are taught not to seek confidence outside but within ourselves, and I wholeheartedly concur with this principle. This is a fundamental concept because when we base our self-worth and security on other people or external factors, we construct a foundation on very precarious ground. Trust in others is vital, but humans are inherently fallible, making it unwise to invest one hundred percent of our hope in them, as we can never be entirely certain.
My perfectionist instinct always compels me to seek one hundred percent, and, as in many cases, I discovered a glass ceiling in this pursuit. Can anything truly be perfect? I continued my quest, looking at my family, friends, acquaintances, and even idols—individuals for whom I could vouch with 100% certainty. It turned out that I couldn’t even guarantee it for myself because circumstances and the world we inhabit are ever-changing, and where there is change, there is uncertainty. What if, though, we found a being who embodies ideal perfection, providing us with 100% certainty? What if we found a place that is 100% safe?
My answer to this question emerged quite recently, during the first week of the war in Ukraine. Prior to Russia’s aggression, I believed I had answers to all potential challenges. I devoted myself to intellectual and physical development, nurturing my body and soul, establishing a solid financial foundation, a company, a diversified portfolio of savings, investments, income sources, clients, and relationships. I had secured the most stable foundations possible. It was only when the armed conflict erupted that I realized that one day, we may possess everything, but the next day, we may have nothing except for ourselves and our lives, and even those can be snatched away swiftly. While some of my friends were worried about the situation, while others refused to acknowledge it, and the rest were panicking, contemplating escape plans, I felt paralyzed and numb due to the impending sense of vulnerability. For the first time in a long while, I found myself without answers and solutions. The things that had once brought me joy and motivation seemed dull and tasteless because, in the face of such a tragedy, nothing appeared certain or important—not business, not clients, not relationships, not even possessions, and certainly not money. We can lose everything in the blink of an eye, including our very selves.
This raised a question in my mind: What’s next? How should I act when even my inner strength seems insufficient to confront such a threat? On one hand, my paralysis stemmed from a lack of a solution, which is something I despise because I’ve always had one. On the other hand, it was born from genuine fear. You know the saying, “When in fear, God is near.” I started praying because I couldn’t think of anything else. I realized that even if my existence on this earth isn’t guaranteed (which is quite a shock for someone of my age, with potentially three-quarters of life ahead), what’s left for me if everything suddenly appears pointless and finite in terms of understanding its eventual end?
My mind began to race, and, despite being a declared Catholic, raised in a household where I was taught that being a good person would earn me a place in heaven, it was only at the age of 33 that I started contemplating life after death. Recognizing that the end will come someday in the distant future is one thing, but feeling the end draw near and experiencing the fragility of existence are entirely different. It’s no wonder that many individuals convert or undergo a profound transformation in their lives when they approach death. To be clear, I wasn’t anywhere near that point, but I felt somewhat as though I had died during those days.
From a logical perspective, life after death, in other words, eternal life, is inherently infinite. Since it’s infinite, it’s also 100% secure, as nothing and no one can take it away or bring it to an end. Regardless of one’s faith, God is the one entity we can be absolutely sure of. Divinity represents something fully perfect, complete, and utterly reliable. It’s something we can place our trust in, unlike people or ourselves. God cannot be killed, destroyed, broken, or changed, while all these things can happen to a human. Our human life can come to an end, but the soul remains immortal.
So, what if our self-confidence and self-esteem weren’t solely a product of our own doing but also stemmed from the divine element within each of us? After all, we were created in His image and likeness. What if everyone had 100% certainty and, at the same time, didn’t experience uncertainty and fear? What if everyone truly knew that nothing and no one could shake their self-confidence because they didn’t navigate the world alone but with God? What if they knew they had an immortal soul, and at the conclusion of their human life, whenever that may be, they would return to their true home, free from sorrow, grief, and fear, surrounded by nothing but eternity and happiness? Of course, such an ending, like the other fruits we temporarily collect, is the sum of our choices and the seeds we’ve sown. Not everyone may have this opportunity, but nothing except ourselves stands in the way of reaching such an eternal and joyful conclusion.
Do I still experience fear with this awareness? Yes, but it’s a fear that I may not earn eternal life through my actions, even though I feel a certain steadfastness in pursuing the ultimate goal on my path. My sense of security doesn’t stem from my own strength but from the strength of my faith. This journey began with self-confidence and has practically concluded there, but it now feels enriched by the missing element—the divine element that grants us 100% self-confidence through Him. Those who live in God and in harmony with higher values do not experience the same fear that arises when God isn’t with us. I am profoundly convinced of this, as well as the idea that God, depending on one’s religion, may have many faces and forms, but ultimately, there is one God who is the God of all of us. Only when we live in harmony with ourselves and with Him can we cast aside fear and anxiety, experiencing true security. The power of faith has enabled many people to achieve the seemingly impossible and perform genuinely heroic acts, as if they were without fear and limitations. It’s because they placed such profound trust—just as much or even more.
For in infinity, there exists no glass ceiling
Organize your life.
The first publication in the Untold product series, created to share methodology for organizing everyday life, cultivating systematic discipline, and developing proper habits. Drawing from the author's experience, knowledge, beliefs, and commonly available coaching tools, she aims to inspire you to take action and present you with a straightforward approach to achieving fulfillment and building self-esteem. Written in a simple way, it contains examples from everyday life, practical tips, exercises, and beautiful graphics. Available in e-book and audiobook.
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