Recently, I was listening to the audiobook “The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem.” I had read the book once before, but since I had started a series on my YouTube channel about this book, I decided to refresh my understanding. What surprised me was the difference in translation; I found myself interpreting the book quite differently in Polish compared to the original audiobook. It’s possible that I’ve changed over the course of my life, and my comprehension of the theme has evolved. Nevertheless, I experienced a kind of enlightenment after finishing the audiobook.
The book reveals that without self-esteem, we are incapable of fully living our lives. A low level of self-esteem prevents us from realizing our full potential, leaving us in a vegetative state rather than thriving. Nathaniel Branden, the author of the book, points out that the world we currently inhabit is demanding by nature, and we can only stand tall and face its challenges when our self-esteem is at a high level. This is because the elements of self-esteem make us adequate to the situations we encounter.
„Self-esteem is necessary for living, though not necessarily for survival.”
In our mundane reality, we can’t find self-esteem externally; it must be created from within. Therefore, it is crucial to have self-awareness and a self-concept that aligns with our true knowledge of who we are, both externally and internally. We can’t disregard the importance of self-efficacy, which means trusting our own minds and judgments. Doubting the rightness of our own judgments will sabotage our actions and their outcomes, leading to inefficiency. Without self-trust, we are destined to fail. Moreover, our repeated failures will erode our self-esteem and self-respect. The longer we fail, the less we see ourselves as meaningful individuals, worth living and achieving our goals. Respecting ourselves is crucial for self-esteem. I’m providing a general overview here; for a more detailed discussion, you can watch my YouTube channel below.
Self-esteem is not comparative. When our self-esteem is high, we don’t view our surroundings as hostile or competitive. We treat others with love, empathy, and respect. Those who claim to hate others often have low self-esteem, as they perceive others as threats, and every imperfection in others reflects their own insecurities and flaws. This intense emotion stems from fear and a feeling of danger. Individuals with high self-esteem don’t place themselves above others or engage in comparisons. Their fulfillment and joy arise from their inner feelings, not from comparisons. People with similar levels of self-esteem tend to feel most comfortable around one another; it’s more like attracts like than opposites attracting. Individuals with low self-esteem often feel uncomfortable around those with higher self-esteem, sometimes even harboring disdain for them when, in truth, they feel it toward themselves. This is why successful people are often targets of jealousy and other negative emotions. High self-esteem is associated with better communication skills, as we know that our words hold value and we desire clarity in our messages.
High self-esteem increases our chances of achieving our goals, overcoming obstacles, and living the full life we aspire to. This is because high self-esteem affects various aspects of our lives: how we interact in business environments, our interactions with people, the level of success we can attain, our choice of romantic partners, the quality of our relationships with family and friends, and our overall fulfillment and happiness. Healthy self-esteem is correlated with rationalism, reality, intuition, creativity, independence, adaptability, the ability to admit to failure and wrong decisions, and cooperation with others in general.
In summary, self-esteem can be distilled into one word: love. While it might seem peculiar, self-esteem is essentially about loving and accepting ourselves, valuing our existence, and hoping for the best for ourselves. Love leads to a life filled with value and is aligned with truth, which, in turn, correlates with reality. Being able to love ourselves enables us to treat others with love and establish a standard for how we should be treated. I’m convinced that a well-defined and understood concept of love is the key to self-esteem. During therapy, I was told that my life’s mission is love. Initially, I found this mission to be unimpressive, but when viewed as the starting point for self-esteem and achieving fulfillment, it becomes profoundly meaningful.
Organize your life.
The first publication in the Untold product series, created to share methodology for organizing everyday life, cultivating systematic discipline, and developing proper habits. Drawing from the author's experience, knowledge, beliefs, and commonly available coaching tools, she aims to inspire you to take action and present you with a straightforward approach to achieving fulfillment and building self-esteem. Written in a simple way, it contains examples from everyday life, practical tips, exercises, and beautiful graphics. Available in e-book and audiobook.