Come back home

I recently watched the Netflix movie ‘Purple Hearts’ recommended by a friend. I approached it without any prior knowledge of its plot, cast, or expectations. The film revolves around the life of a diabetic waitress pursuing her dream of becoming a singer, despite facing serious financial challenges due to her illness. It also follows a soldier who carries a heavy burden from his past. I initially anticipated a typical tearjerker romance, but ‘Purple Hearts’ surprised me with its original and mature melodrama.

I appreciate the script for allowing both main characters to make decisions as independent individuals. These choices were driven by love and the well-being of the other person, but they were still independent and conscious decisions, each with its own consequences. The young characters in the film displayed remarkable maturity in handling their challenges. The production avoided clichéd dialogue and over-dramatized scenes, making the story feel very relatable. The addition of a great soundtrack, particularly the lyrics of the songs, added to the overall impact of the script.

Neither of the protagonists played the roles of victims or the weaker party. They fought for their own happiness and, in the process, gained more than they initially aimed for. There were no fairy tale rescues or noble sacrifices; instead, it’s a beautiful story about what true marriage and love entail. It delves into the themes of overcoming fears and convictions, as well as making life-altering decisions.

I won’t reveal the plot details to avoid spoilers, so I encourage you to watch the movie. ‘Purple Hearts’ prompted me to reflect on the institution of marriage and whether it is possible to truly and sincerely love one person for a lifetime. In today’s world, marriage is easily obtainable, and ending it can be relatively straightforward, albeit slightly more complicated when shared financial assets are involved. However, we live in an era where both genders can lead independent lives, making decisions that are best for each individual. To me, a genuine marriage carries the bittersweet flavors of burnt dinners and shared meals, hot baths, good and not-so-good sex, differing opinions, arguments, and a mix of love and frustration all at once.

Note sure should we fly or fight this
We’re terrified
Pretending that we don’t care

The beginning of a relationship is relatively easy; the real challenge arises when the first obstacles surface. It’s when the unexpected behaviors of the other person can shatter the image we’ve built of them. In such moments, we find ourselves grappling with a fundamental question: Should we run away or fight for the relationship? Despite our reluctance to admit it, diving into an intimate and profound relationship can be frightening because it demands that we let down our guard and stop pretending we don’t care.

For me, the most challenging part has always been showing that I care because doing so implies vulnerability. When we care, we open ourselves up to the possibility of getting hurt and being abandoned. Consequently, we might find ourselves nursing a broken heart, convinced that the pain will last a lifetime (even though, in reality, it won’t). My life has been punctuated by instances of abandonment and rejection, which led me to construct a formidable wall to shield myself from further hurt. What frightened me the most was the prospect of experiencing yet another rejection, a failure on my part for trusting the wrong person. Deconstructing this protective wall meant confronting these fears head-on.

In the story’s main characters, we witness their fears and vulnerabilities, and their relationship deepens during the moments when they reveal their true selves, when they are at their most sensitive and authentic. The outcome of their story remains uncertain; they may attain the love they deserve, but there’s also the risk of getting hurt. However, all this risk is worth the potential reward we stand to gain.

I’m terrified
Letting my fears show
Till I can face’em
Letting my tears go
Till I can taste’em
Hell, what do I know
Where you and I’ll go

The traditional marriage vow involves a commitment to stay together until death parts the couple. However, in modern times, we’ve become more comfortable with the idea of divorce when things don’t go as planned. Yet, the real strength of marriage lies in the fact that our vows are meant to be final, and we must find a way to make it work. We may have moments of separation, go without talking for months, or even have heated arguments, but in the end, the person you might be upset with at the moment remains your partner, your anchor, your home to which you return, “for better or for worse, in health and disease.”

Avoiding difficult conversations and tiptoeing around issues in a relationship won’t lead to a genuine connection. The truth can be ugly and painful, but it’s also liberating and has the potential to strengthen the bond between two people. True love means being together no matter what, because when you have each other, the challenges and difficulties that life throws your way can somehow be faced together. This is why the lyrics of the song sung by the main character were so moving and reassuring.

But dammit I hope
You come back home

Opening up and being vulnerable in order to build a closer relationship is akin to stepping out of your comfort zone. When you enter a relationship, it’s usually not because you couldn’t manage on your own; it’s because you meet someone who encourages you to venture beyond your familiar and safe territory. This interaction with another person, experiencing new relationships, and facing novel situations often brings about changes within ourselves – transformations we might not have anticipated. While we may believe we know ourselves well, true self-discovery often occurs when we engage with others in unexpected circumstances.

I was fine before
You walked right through that door
And now I’m something more
Than I ever imagined

True love encompasses all types of relationships among people. Whether it’s love for our friends, children, siblings, or others, the foundation is the same – truth and shared moments, regardless of whether they were challenging or easy. It’s important to recognize that this is how relationships are formed. Initially, we get to know each other, spend time together, embark on adventures, and witness each other in various unpredictable situations. This process allows us to see not only the image that others choose to present but also the authentic essence of the person, which may not always be beautiful. However, beauty can be overrated and monotonous, and we all possess dual natures. In addition to beauty, there’s also a “monster” within us that only becomes visible when we look closely. Conversely, with enough awareness, we may discover glimmers of beauty beneath the “monster.” This duality in human nature is what makes it so intriguing, as nothing is precisely as it seems.

I knew exactly who you were
But you were something more
Than I ever imagined
In your arms I’m safe and sound
You turned my world right upside down
But all the hell we’ve been through
Had a purpose

If you ever feel like your life is boring, ask yourself if you’re truly paying attention to the world around you. I can assure you that no one truly leads a dull life; sometimes, we just fail to recognize the adventure we’re part of. Being a blind and passive puppet in life is a tragedy, a state in which we convince ourselves of our powerlessness and lack of control. It’s when we find ourselves in a relationship by happenstance rather than choice. Growth occurs when we open ourselves to the new and the unknown, when we take risks and embrace change.

Change is rarely a peaceful process; it often starts with chaos and difficulty. However, through the struggle for change, we can eventually find harmony. We can’t truly understand the concept of true love until we experience it and are willing to take risks, even if it means stepping out of our comfort zones.

What’s most beautiful is that, in love, we find strength together, knowing that we can face any challenge as a team. We don’t always have to fully understand each other, but simply seeing and accepting each other with all our strengths, weaknesses, and the undefined aspects of our beings at any given moment is more than enough.

Together we are chaos and it’s perfect
I didn’t I didn’t know
What love could, what love could be
Until you, until you
Loved my everything

The good, the bad
The in-between
I didn’t know

I initially hesitated to watch “Purple Hearts” because my friend often recommends innocent, romantic love stories with what I perceive as minor problems. This is likely because she believes in pure love, with a childlike innocence and a fundamental goodness that seems to shield her from the harsh realities of life. It’s as though she lives in a different world, a world separate from my own. Perhaps that’s why we’re friends – she serves as my anchor, while I act as her wings.

Wings have no limits; they soar high with the belief that they can accomplish anything. Anchors provide stability and remind us that not everything is worth pursuing, cautioning us that the same sun we reach for can eventually scorch us to ashes instead of warming us. Wings focus on their goals and strive toward them, while anchors focus on people and become emotionally attached to them.

One without the other is an incomplete existence. An anchor on its own can lead to stagnation rather than stability, wasted potential instead of growth, self-sacrifice rather than assertive assistance, and naivety that blinds us to the complexities of the world around us. On the other hand, wings in isolation can result in unhealthy solitude, as they are solely goal-oriented and may avoid forming relationships for fear of entanglement. It can lead to a bitter pursuit of success rather than the sweetness of shared victories. Wings can achieve many things, but without an anchor, they often find their achievements hollow.

Wings may become exasperated with anchors, yet they are also deeply appreciative of their grounding presence. An anchor can love wings deeply, but may never fully comprehend them. Together, they strike a balance, flying high enough to satisfy the wings but staying grounded enough to avoid getting burnt. This is what love means to me – the harmonious dance between wings and anchors.

Always thought those feelings
They were stories not made for me
It’s terrifying, but I’m pretty certain
It’s worth it

I didn’t I didn’t know
What love could, what love coulde be
Until you, until you
Loved my everything

If you find it hard to believe in love and think that such ideal relationships are only found in fairy tales, it might be because you’ve been playing it too safe. You might not have allowed yourself to truly open up, to expose yourself completely, or to take significant risks in the name of love. It’s worth considering whether, for the first time or again, you’re willing to take that leap of faith.

You can try to build a relationship that serves as your safe haven, a place where you can always return. A love that is unshakable and everlasting.

It’s important to note that this discussion pertains to healthy and standard relationships. It’s difficult to provide guidance on relationships that involve violence, as this is a complex and serious issue. If you find yourself in such a toxic relationship, I strongly recommend seeking advice from professionals who specialize in this area. Your safety, health, and well-being should be your top priorities. If your relationship is in danger, it might be time to take steps to protect yourself. Specialists can help you navigate the complexities of your situation. Always remember, taking care of yourself should be the first and foremost concern in any kind of relationship – be it a marriage, a friendship, a work relationship, or even your relationship with your own child.

Organize your life.

The first publication in the Untold product series, created to share methodology for organizing everyday life, cultivating systematic discipline, and developing proper habits. Drawing from the author's experience, knowledge, beliefs, and commonly available coaching tools, she aims to inspire you to take action and present you with a straightforward approach to achieving fulfillment and building self-esteem. Written in a simple way, it contains examples from everyday life, practical tips, exercises, and beautiful graphics. Available in e-book and audiobook.

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