My perfectionist instinct always compels me to seek one hundred percent, and, as in many cases, I discovered a glass ceiling in this pursuit. Can anything truly be perfect? I continued my quest, looking at my family, friends, acquaintances, and even idols—individuals for whom I could vouch with 100% certainty. It turned out that I couldn’t even guarantee it for myself because circumstances and the world we inhabit are ever-changing, and where there is change, there is uncertainty. What if, though, we found a being who embodies ideal perfection, providing us with 100% certainty? What if we found a place that is 100% safe?

My answer to this question emerged quite recently, during the first week of the war in Ukraine. Prior to Russia’s aggression, I believed I had answers to all potential challenges. I devoted myself to intellectual and physical development, nurturing my body and soul, establishing a solid financial foundation, a company, a diversified portfolio of savings, investments, income sources, clients, and relationships. I had secured the most stable foundations possible. It was only when the armed conflict erupted that I realized that one day, we may possess everything, but the next day, we may have nothing except for ourselves and our lives, and even those can be snatched away swiftly. While some of my friends were worried about the situation, while others refused to acknowledge it, and the rest were panicking, contemplating escape plans, I felt paralyzed and numb due to the impending sense of vulnerability. For the first time in a long while, I found myself without answers and solutions. The things that had once brought me joy and motivation seemed dull and tasteless because, in the face of such a tragedy, nothing appeared certain or important—not business, not clients, not relationships, not even possessions, and certainly not money. We can lose everything in the blink of an eye, including our very selves.

This raised a question in my mind: What’s next? How should I act when even my inner strength seems insufficient to confront such a threat? On one hand, my paralysis stemmed from a lack of a solution, which is something I despise because I’ve always had one. On the other hand, it was born from genuine fear. You know the saying, “When in fear, God is near.” I started praying because I couldn’t think of anything else. I realized that even if my existence on this earth isn’t guaranteed (which is quite a shock for someone of my age, with potentially three-quarters of life ahead), what’s left for me if everything suddenly appears pointless and finite in terms of understanding its eventual end?

My mind began to race, and, despite being a declared Catholic, raised in a household where I was taught that being a good person would earn me a place in heaven, it was only at the age of 33 that I started contemplating life after death. Recognizing that the end will come someday in the distant future is one thing, but feeling the end draw near and experiencing the fragility of existence are entirely different. It’s no wonder that many individuals convert or undergo a profound transformation in their lives when they approach death. To be clear, I wasn’t anywhere near that point, but I felt somewhat as though I had died during those days.

For unknown reasons, my subconscious had programmed the idea that I could only go home when I had completed ‘everything,’ meaning the tasks assigned for the day plus clearing my inbox of incoming messages. I usually planned tasks for each day on Saturday, covering the entire week. In the mornings, over coffee, I updated tasks, their order, and priorities. The reason I kept working late was that I failed to account for the fact that in ongoing customer service, new inquiries kept coming in. Customers wanted to expand and modify their websites, stores, create applications, or implement system changes, and these required updates. Furthermore, after updates, other components might not be fully compatible, and new audiences emerged. While in the morning, I could calmly focus on checking off completed tasks, from 9 to 10, as others woke up and began their professional work, emails and phones started ringing. Even if I didn’t answer or reply immediately, it disturbed my peace of mind because I knew something remained unchecked and unfinished, so I addressed it. Then, I returned to the task list, but it was already two hours later, resulting in delays, sometimes by as much as two additional hours.

Each time, I convinced myself that it was just a particularly busy day and that order would be restored tomorrow. It was wishful thinking because it never ended—phones continued to ring, and new emails kept pouring in. To illustrate the absurdity of this situation, consider that many companies, especially startups, dream of this situation—customers calling and writing in without the need for acquisition efforts. What others dream of had turned into my everyday nightmare. They say, ‘Be careful what you wish for; you might just get it, but you might not like it”. Even now, as I write this article, my problem seems bizarre, but it was real and had a detrimental impact on my daily life. So, what did I do? I began planning time slots for unexpected emails and phone calls, about 2-3 hours a day. But if they weren’t scheduled, I had no idea how long they would take, and I still couldn’t finish my work day on time. I thought I was losing my mind until a sense, both conscious and subconscious, emerged that it would never end—seriously. Acceptance and understanding eventually dawned on me, allowing me to leave work even if I hadn’t responded to all the emails or cleaned my inbox. I could have acted this way from the beginning because, apart from critical issues like server failures or the store being down, which demanded immediate attention, none of the customers expected an instant response. There was an unwarranted compulsion to clear the inbox and check off all the tasks in my head. Until I grasped this and worked on it, I was fatigued by my daily life, choosing overtime voluntarily, prioritizing work, and wanting to change it, but somehow, it didn’t work out.

As you can see, perfectionism can manifest not only in the constant pursuit of upgrading and improving the tasks at hand. Personally, I stopped fretting over minor imperfections long ago, realizing that perfection is unattainable. However, I didn’t foresee that my perfectionism would manifest in my desire to tidy up everything that appeared during the day, believing that only with a clean slate and completed tasks could I allow myself to go home.

How does your perfectionism manifest? Were you aware that the journey of self-improvement, development, and learning never truly ends? Relax and take a break instead of endlessly chasing a goal that might forever elude you—just like cats can never catch a laser light; it will keep evading them, and they’ll keep chasing it

Added to this self-esteem is a generous dose of proper education, exposure to diverse experiences, and meaningful social interactions. Unfortunately, not everyone has the privilege of such opportunities. While it’s often said that education is now accessible to all on an equal footing, this assertion falls short of the truth. The quality of our education is profoundly influenced by the economic and social status of our family, our place of birth, our origins, and the awareness of our parents.

It’s nobody’s fault that some are born into less fortunate circumstances – a family struggling financially, a location lacking access to quality schools, or a family that doesn’t prioritize education. However, individuals born into such situations face far more obstacles to overcome. Personally, I consider myself fortunate that my parents managed to send me to a private school, provide me with private English lessons taught by a native speaker, and offer tutoring when I needed it. These endeavors demanded significant sacrifices on their part, but my mother recognized the vital role of education, even though she didn’t possess a high level of formal education herself. I was fortunate to grow up in such an environment. Sadly, many of my peers did not have the same opportunities.

While I was immersing myself in art and culture, some of them were confined to their housing estates or watching Cartoon Network (if their parents were fortunate enough to afford cable). Such disparities have existed in the past, and they persist in the present. Life would have to be a utopia to ensure equal opportunities for all, and in our world, disparities will continue to exist.

Animals don’t perceive anything unusual about their circumstances; they don’t cast themselves as victims or wallow in self-pity. To them, this is life, their life, and they accept that it can take varied forms. They continue to function, to hunt to the best of their ability, to build the best nests they can, and to savor the fattest worms they can find. If things don’t always go as planned, they don’t lament their fate; instead, they find contentment in what they have and persevere, trying until their last breath.

In contrast, we humans often feel sorry for ourselves due to the challenges we face — alienation, mistreatment, and more. Yet, we treat ourselves more harshly than we would ever treat our friends. We surrender to despair and cling to the victim mindset.

Let’s stop assigning blame, to ourselves or others, for the way we were born. Let’s bestow the love that every living being deserves upon one another, as well as to those in our midst, because love is a universal entitlement.

Life itself won’t alter its magical course if we complain incessantly. Constructing a negative narrative around it only perpetuates critical and disheartening thoughts, ensuring that negativity becomes a daily companion. Instead, I propose consistently viewing the other side of the coin. Even in the face of exceptionally tragic events, such as death, consider the words of D.H. Lawrence — this is life. It’s a tapestry of happiness and sorrow, predictability and unpredictability, and it encompasses birth, death, childhood, adulthood, old age, scarcity, prosperity, and more.

In many anime and magical tales, there’s an emphasis on equivalent exchange: what you receive, you must give back. This mirrors nature’s harmonious workings. In the realm of magic, as in the real world, there are always consequences and costs for actions. Death and birth are essential elements of the balance in the world, reflecting the circle of life. This equilibrium is echoed in every aspect of our existence.

Life has never been and will never be entirely fair, offering equality to all. What matters is how we navigate the cards we’re dealt, the choices we make, and where they lead us. Let’s embrace life as it is, refraining from complaints and self-pity. Let’s shed the victim role and strive to make the most of it, cherishing each moment, whether joyful or trying, for each shapes and transforms us.