Self-esteem is something we are born with but often lose or distort somewhere along our life’s journey. Nathaniel Branden, in his book, highlights three essential elements of self-esteem: self-awareness, self-efficacy, and self-respect. The latter implies having a sense of self-dignity and self-worth.

In my personal life, I have faced many challenging moments, injustices, and unkindness. These experiences have influenced my perception of people and the world I inhabit. The most difficult situations have molded me into a strong individual. If the trials of the past didn’t break me, I have a strong feeling that the worst is behind me. If I can survive and overcome those challenges, not much else can intimidate or shatter me. They say that to build a person, you must first break them. The strongest individuals often endure the most trials. However, not many mention that this gained strength isn’t necessarily complex.

Through my experiences, I developed a habit of not trusting people because I believed they were untrustworthy and often failed to keep their promises. I started to think that love, which is supposed to know no boundaries, actually has limitations, and relying on others can lead to disappointment. I learned to separate emotions and feelings from the decisions I make. I mastered the art of not failing and not getting too involved. I gained control over my feelings, reactions, and my environment because I had been broken and stripped of security. In my behavior and attitude, I created a false sense of security and excluded situations from my life that could threaten that security, particularly close relationships. Despite appearing strong and confident, my self-worth was lacking and incomplete. Rebuilding my self-worth and stitching myself back together helped me accept my situation, confront the danger, and face it head-on. When we confront the truth about ourselves and our situation, we move closer to drawing conclusions, improving our circumstances, and establishing our boundaries.

When we build self-worth, we also gain self-confidence. This confidence extends to our minds, actions, opinions, the consequences of our actions, and the rules we set. When we live in alignment with our beliefs and values, we become unstoppable and fierce because we have an unshakable belief that what we think and do is right. This kind of confidence is inspiring and is present in every main character and true leader, drawing others to us.

Our parents taught us to treat others the way we ourselves would like to be treated, often repeating the saying, “Don’t do unto others what you wouldn’t want done to you.” But when I was a teenager and finally gave this saying some real thought, I realized it wasn’t entirely true.

To my surprise, what feels kind to me may not feel kind to you. What you see as success, I might perceive as failure. What motivates me could overwhelm you. All of this stems from our individuality — from how profoundly unique we are as human beings.

Thomas Erikson captures this perfectly in his book “Surrounded by Idiots.” The book is painfully simple—at times I even wondered if the author was treating me like one of those “idiots,” explaining the most basic things in painstaking detail. Yet its core message is deeply insightful: Treat others not as you wish to be treated, but as they wish to be treated.

The key lies in understanding the other person. Because, as it turns out, we aren’t surrounded by idiots at all—just by people with vastly different personalities who struggle to communicate effectively with one another.

This reminds me of a scene from the Korean drama “Tomorrow” (episode 9). A man who had lost his dog searched tirelessly, heartbroken and desperate to find him. He was a graphic designer by profession, and one day, while working on a logo for a veterinary clinic, he suddenly broke down and began to cry at his desk. His coworkers, startled, asked him what was wrong. He explained that it was about his missing dog—the one he’d had since childhood.

Hunger, danger, and fear can do fascinating things to people — they change us irreversibly. When faced with a threat, some of us instinctively start hoarding whatever we can to secure our future. We witnessed this not so long ago during the pandemic, when rumors spread through the media that there might be shortages of food and essential hygiene products.

I remember it vividly — I went grocery shopping after work and couldn’t find pasta, rice, or grains. Even salt and sugar had vanished from the shelves. It wasn’t because there was a real disruption in supply chains, but because the deliveries were planned based on standard purchasing patterns and typical consumer behavior. Once we collectively panicked and began storming stores to stock up for three months ahead, it was no surprise that we also cleared out the warehouses.

Think back to the absurd situation in the United States with toilet paper — people literally fought over it in supermarkets, and later, it was rationed to limited quantities. In our country, toilet paper remained available, but a new shortage appeared — sanitary pads and tampons. We bought them in panic too, fearing they’d soon disappear. And to think — it wasn’t genuine hunger or a lack of resources that drove us, but the mere shadow of it looming on the horizon. What truly fueled us was fear.