Archiwa #ego - Untold

It has always been like that

Aleksandra Strugalska — Mon, 04 Jul 2022 10:05:00 +0000

Lately, I started watching an incredibly compelling Korean series on Netflix called ‘Tomorrow.’ I’m currently on episode 10 out of 16, and I’m not sure how it will conclude or if there will be another season. Initially, I began watching it to get a glimpse of the remarkably handsome Lee Soo Hyuk. However, I ended up taking blog notes during 8 out of the 10 episodes, and in 7 out of the 10, I found myself deeply moved to the point of tears. The entire series may not necessarily be a masterpiece, but the script and acting certainly are.

The plot revolves around the sensitive subject of suicide and explores the reasons why people take their own lives. In the world crafted by the screenwriter, there is a division of Reapers in the afterlife, tasked with handling special missions. Among these units is the CR crisis department, responsible for dissuading people from ending their own lives.

Each episode presents a different story, but perhaps the most surprising and emotionally impactful one for me was Episode 9, in which the team had to save a suicidal dog. This might sound unusual and not particularly serious, and indeed, my initial reaction was, ‘What am I watching?’ and ‘Who thought this was a good idea?’ Yet, that’s the nature of series; there are better and worse episodes, and you simply continue watching. So, I continued watching.

The ZR team was equally perplexed when assigned the dog as their next case. Kong was an animal who seemed to desire death, and it was their mission to change that. Initially, they suspected it was a system error, but ultimately, orders were orders, and the task had to be completed. It was thought that someone had abandoned Kong, but after consulting a veterinary clinic, it was revealed that the dog was sick and had limited time left to live. The main character couldn’t fathom how someone could abandon a sick dog and wished the owner eternal torment in hell after their life ended.

Later, it was discovered that Kong had run away from home of his own accord because he believed that the family he loved was suffering because of him. He didn’t want to be a burden or a source of sadness and decided that it would be better to die alone. It became evident that, in times of mourning and illness, humans and animals alike can behave irrationally and extremefully. After all, emotions know no bounds.

With them it is the same as with people.
He certainly had a reason to try to kill himself. We need to find out what and save him. Pets are no exception.

The above words were spoken by the HR manager, and it’s challenging to disagree with them. Frequently, as humans, we tend to place ourselves in a superior position in relation to the beings around us. Only with sufficient mindfulness and sensitivity can we uncover the truth that everyone is unique but ‘neither better nor worse’ when compared to others. In the end, we are remarkably similar.

When it comes to animals, there’s often a prevailing belief that they are unintelligent, lack emotions, and are driven solely by instinct. But is this really the case? Who gave us the right to underestimate others? How can we claim to understand what animals feel when we often struggle to accurately discern the emotions of the people closest to us, and at times, even our own feelings?

This tendency stems from our arrogance, pride, and ego, cultivated within ourselves. Why do we seek proof that animals can feel emotions, while we lack definitive proof that you feel the same as I do? Is our pride preventing us from admitting that we don’t know? Are we afraid of losing our perceived higher rank and status to animals? It’s as if we’re fearful of considering a sick person as an equal being, as it might make us feel inferior. In reality, it just makes us different.

Kong is more than just a dog to me. It is my family.

These words were spoken by a seasoned dog owner. For many of us, animals are often seen as mere additions to our lives, making our solitary days at home more enjoyable or serving as a source of a tasty meal. They are frequently treated as ‘somethings’ rather than ‘someones.’ Fortunately, not everyone shares this viewpoint.

The author of the book ‘The Spiritual Life of Animals,’ a respected German biologist and botanist, painstakingly demonstrates on over 300 pages that animals possess awareness, emotions, and a spiritual essence.

Animals experience pain, sadness, and grief; they go through a mourning process. They feel pleasure when basking in the sun and discomfort when getting wet. Some engage in sexual activities not solely for procreation but also for the pleasure of orgasm. Some form lifelong partnerships, while others have multiple mates. They experience love for their offspring and other family members. They can recognize family bonds, have friends and acquaintances within and across species. They can express gratitude, a feeling that requires the ability to acknowledge that someone or something has brought joy to their lives. Cicero himself recognized that dogs are capable of such emotions.
Animals are not limited to basic instincts; they can also engage in more complex behaviors such as theft, deception, and manipulation. The author shares anecdotes, such as roosters deceiving chickens by pretending to enjoy delicious food while making loud noises. Magpies pretend to defend territory in the presence of their partners but flirt when alone. Foxes convincingly feign death while hunting for crows, even extending their tongues.
They are aware of socially accepted norms within their environment or herd, which can lead to feelings of embarrassment and confusion. Animals possess a sense of justice, which plays a role in maintaining harmony within the herd.
There are both timid and courageous animals, with courage defined as the ability to take action despite identified dangers.
Some animals can count, recognize their own reflections in mirrors, and even have distinct names within their herds. They display impatience, as observed in an experiment involving rats lining up, similar to human behavior in supermarkets.
Empathy and compassion are also found in animals. They provide comfort to other suffering animals, and the longer they know each other, the more effective this empathy becomes. This extends across species and mirrors human neural processes.
Animals exhibit free will and engage in altruistic behavior. They share food, rescue other animals, pass down knowledge across generations, and preserve traditions. They learn from experience, much like humans.
They have an understanding of nature and can predict weather changes, akin to human ancestors who lived close to nature.
As they age, animals may suffer from dementia, eat less, become irritable, and are aware of their age limitations and the passage of time, akin to humans.

These are just a few examples of the myriad ways animals exhibit complex behaviors and emotions.

What struck me the most as I read this book was the author’s emphasis on the significance of all the organisms that surround us within the ecosystem, without grading their importance. Often, we find ourselves more sympathetic towards domestic animals and less so towards farm animals. Creatures like insects are frequently considered disgusting and expendable. However, even the least appealing creatures have feelings, they are alive, and they play a vital role in the grand tapestry of life.

For instance, even ticks, typically seen as pests, experience hunger, desire, and the need to find a partner. Have you ever contemplated them in such terms? Of course, I’m not suggesting we start breeding ticks and taking them for walks. Instead, I aim to highlight that they too are living beings, each with their unique significance and purpose within the intricate web of life. They deserve respect, just like all the other organisms around us.

“I believe that every creature, however small or hideous, possesses a soul. Those who claim otherwise do so in order to justify their brutality against them.”

“Light Singer” Audrey Grey

These words were shared by the protagonist of the book I recently read. Although it wasn’t an exceptional book, I found myself captivated by it. It falls into the category of what some might call a ‘chick flick,’ a genre I’ve read in abundance. I fondly recall my childhood when I would cry over the loss of animals. My father used to console me by saying not to shed tears because, according to him, animals had no souls anyway. He even forbade me from saying that an animal had ‘died’ because, as he put it, people die, and animals do not (there is a different word for it in polish without equivalent word in english). But is it really so? Or, as the quote suggests, are we trying to rationalize our lack of compassion or our cruelty towards beings we perceive as ‘soulless’?

We may not always have scientific proof for everything. In situations where we cannot definitively determine something, is it not worth extending the benefit of the doubt to the theory that animals possess feelings and have souls? They are living creatures that play vital roles in the ecosystem and deserve our respect. Instead of mistreating them just because we haven’t scientifically proven their equality as divine beings, should we not consider the possibility?

As humans, we have a tendency to judge and form opinions. This tendency often leads us to categorize beings into ‘better’ or ‘worse,’ ‘smarter’ or ‘stupider,’ ‘stronger’ or ‘weaker,’ ‘prettier’ or ‘uglier.’ Every day, we decide who deserves our time and help based on our personal preferences and biases. The most common argument I hear is that animals are ‘stupid.’ However, when we think about it, emotions do not require intelligence. We do not need to overanalyze to understand that we are sad, in pain, or experiencing joy.

With this perspective in mind and considering the atrocities that segregation has led humanity to commit, let’s reflect on how we treat all the creatures that share our world daily.

When we recognize that animals are divine beings, different from us but equally important, it can become uncomfortable, even immoral, to use them as we have been. Perhaps it is time to contemplate whether, for the sake of a new perspective and heightened awareness, we should sacrifice some of our comfort and reduce the scale of our objective use of animals, treating them as they deserve.

I believe that using and labeling them as ‘stupid’ or ‘unaware’ creatures primarily serves political and economic interests. Scientists have ample knowledge to confirm the intelligence of creatures like pigs, yet we do not see public messages promoting this awareness. Instead, we are bombarded with media advertisements touting the tastiness and health benefits of sausages that our children will grow big and healthy with. If people were fully aware of the sentient and conscious animals on their plates, would they still consume meat with such enthusiasm? Many might lose their appetite. However, we often prefer not to know, feel, or see it and convince ourselves that this is how it has always been – that animals are here to serve us. A similar phenomenon exists within our own species. Though we live in a civilized world, we must remember that practices like slavery and child trafficking still persist on a large scale across the globe.

Perhaps it is time to look upon all existence with understanding, respect, and love.

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The first publication in the Untold product series, created to share methodology for organizing everyday life, cultivating systematic discipline, and developing proper habits. Drawing from the author's experience, knowledge, beliefs, and commonly available coaching tools, she aims to inspire you to take action and present you with a straightforward approach to achieving fulfillment and building self-esteem. Written in a simple way, it contains examples from everyday life, practical tips, exercises, and beautiful graphics. Available in e-book and audiobook.

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Get it together!

Aleksandra Strugalska — Mon, 04 Jul 2022 09:57:00 +0000

Our parents taught us to treat others the way we ourselves would like to be treated, often repeating the saying, “Don’t do unto others what you wouldn’t want done to you.” But when I was a teenager and finally gave this saying some real thought, I realized it wasn’t entirely true.

To my surprise, what feels kind to me may not feel kind to you. What you see as success, I might perceive as failure. What motivates me could overwhelm you. All of this stems from our individuality — from how profoundly unique we are as human beings.

Thomas Erikson captures this perfectly in his book “Surrounded by Idiots.” The book is painfully simple—at times I even wondered if the author was treating me like one of those “idiots,” explaining the most basic things in painstaking detail. Yet its core message is deeply insightful: Treat others not as you wish to be treated, but as they wish to be treated.

The key lies in understanding the other person. Because, as it turns out, we aren’t surrounded by idiots at all—just by people with vastly different personalities who struggle to communicate effectively with one another.

This reminds me of a scene from the Korean drama “Tomorrow” (episode 9). A man who had lost his dog searched tirelessly, heartbroken and desperate to find him. He was a graphic designer by profession, and one day, while working on a logo for a veterinary clinic, he suddenly broke down and began to cry at his desk. His coworkers, startled, asked him what was wrong. He explained that it was about his missing dog—the one he’d had since childhood.

"- A dog? It's only about a dog? [...] I thought it was something serious. Come on, don't cry. [...] A dog is a dog, how else can you call it? [..] It’s not a big deal”

- How long will you act like this? You've done too much. You can stop now.

- How could I stop? (asks the owner of the dog)

- Will you ruin your life because of a dog? And if he dies, will you too? "

I often come across videos or comments online saying things like: “Don’t worry, others have it worse,” “Pull yourself together, don’t be weak,” or “People are starving, and you’re upset about a job you don’t like?”

To me, this is a deeply toxic and emotionally violent mindset — to deny someone the right to feel what they truly feel. Suppressing emotions, dismissing them as unimportant or “disproportionate,” simply because someone else’s suffering seems greater, is one of the cruellest ways to invalidate a human being.

The coworkers mocked the man who was devastated by the loss of his dog, belittling his grief. But can grief really be compared? Can the pain of losing a dog, a child, a mother, or a friend be measured or ranked? If someone’s heart is breaking, isn’t that pain already valid enough — without the need for comparison or judgment? Do we truly have the right to quantify another person’s sorrow?

"I never had a pet so I didn't understand."

At the end of the episode, the coworkers come to their senses and apologize. They realize that it was never about the dog — it was about understanding another human being, their emotions, their pain, their grief.

We so often diminish the experiences of others — animals, children, the elderly. We think, “What could they possibly know? They’re just kids.” But is their sadness truly any different from ours? Can emotions be categorized — as more valid or less valid, more serious or less serious?

In my view, they cannot. Sadness is sadness. And none of us has the right to tell someone that they should feel less — that their pain isn’t “important enough.” Instead of judging, we should listen and try to understand. We might never fully grasp someone else’s way of thinking, but that doesn’t excuse us from showing them respect — as living, feeling beings, even if they are different from us.

Such behaviors are often deeply rooted — in our culture, our beliefs, and our learned ways of coping. We’ve been taught to focus on the misfortunes of others rather than to face and heal our own. It’s almost ironic, but we can see it even in the news: we hear that inflation in Poland is rising and the economy is weakening, but then comes the reassuring note — “in Germany, it’s even worse.” And suddenly, we feel a bit better. But why? It doesn’t change our situation at all. We comfort ourselves with others’ hardships because our mind prefers distraction — it’s easier to think about someone else’s problems than to confront our own pain head-on.

"- Compared to you - to your borders and magic being weakend - I supposed my self-pity is absurd.

- If it grievs you, than I don't think it's absurde at all."

I love quoting my favorite book, A Court of Thorns and Roses. This time, Tamlin — one of the main characters — perfectly expresses what empathy truly means. When he tells Feyre that if something grieves her, then it cannot be absurd, he acknowledges that her pain is real and valid — not smaller, not foolish, not insignificant when compared to his own.

That’s empathy and respect in their purest form. Because how is my sorrow lesser than yours? How are my struggles easier than yours? How is my happiness greater than yours?

Comparing ourselves to others only distorts our sense of self-worth and makes us dependent on external validation. We will never be the best — there will always be someone better. And even if we do reach the top, others may not let us feel it.

So instead of building our confidence and security on other people’s opinions, we should turn inward — to our own emotions, joys, and sorrows.

You have every right to feel all of it. In fact, I believe it’s your responsibility — because every emotion, every victory and defeat, shapes who you are. Don’t run away from your feelings — they are what make you human. Feeling deeply doesn’t make you weak. Quite the opposite: it proves your courage. It means you are brave enough to feel everything, even the things that hurt.

“Be glad of your human heart, Feyra. Pity those who don't feel anything at all”

The protagonist of A Court of Thorns and Roses often worries that she is more sensitive and compassionate than the others — the powerful, confident figures who seem invincible and untouched by emotion.
Standing among them, Feyre feels small and weak.

But then one of the High Lords speaks these unforgettable words to her — words that carry profound truth.
To me, the ability to see others, to show compassion toward the weakest, and to allow oneself to feel is what defines true strength.
Far greater strength than that of those who have frozen their emotions — for they are the ones trapped in the icy cage they built from fear and selfishness.

Rhysand himself points this out to the other High Lords: true power does not lie in indifference, but in the courage to feel.

"Do not condescend to her [...] Do not insult Feyra for speaking with her heart, with compassion for those who cannot defend themselves, when you speak from only selfishness and cowardice."

Sensitivity does not make us weak.
Love does not mean offering our hearts on a silver platter to be devoured by enemies.
Compassion does not make us small.

An open heart — one that feels deeply yet refuses to bow before challenges — makes us fearless, unstoppable, and profoundly loved by others.
I’ve never met a person who could call themselves a failure while being surrounded by love — and while holding a heart full of it, both for themselves and for others.

But compassion, whether for ourselves or for others, does not mean remaining in that state forever, shifting responsibility, or waiting to be saved.
It means recognizing the emotion, allowing ourselves to feel it, and then learning from it — taking action despite the pain, the fear, and the uncertainty.

Because every joy and every sorrow eventually passes.
Nothing lasts forever.
Our task is to live through it fully and act the best we can in each moment.

Organize your life.

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Dreams of Fame

Aleksandra Strugalska — Fri, 10 Jun 2022 10:06:00 +0000

There is much discussion about living in the moment and being present in the ‘here and now.’ However, this can be extremely challenging because our present actions have a profound impact on our future and are influenced by our past experiences. The actions we have taken in the past teach us valuable lessons about what we wish to pursue and what we no longer desire. In the present, we often contemplate our future aspirations and the next steps along our life’s journey.

I have often dreamed of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome would be waiting for me
Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be

…sings Michael Bolton in his song featured in Disney’s 1997 fairy tale, ‘Hercules.’

Many times, just before I drift off to sleep, I find myself daydreaming about the splendid future that awaits me. In my reverie, I envision myself as a renowned writer, with millions of followers on my social media accounts. At author events, hundreds of people hang on to my every word as I recite excerpts from my freshly published books, forming a lengthy queue for autographs on copies purchased on the day of their release. In my mind, I meticulously picture every detail, from the attire I’m wearing to the shade of lipstick on my lips. I can hardly wait for this to become a reality, and as I gradually slip into slumber, I cherish these wonderful moments from my future life.

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way if I can be strong
I know every mile would be worth my while
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

When I’m tired and every day feels challenging, I remind myself that this is my path, and I must summon the strength, courage, and determination because I know that what awaits me at the finish line is worth every drop of sweat, and sometimes even tears. In each of my articles, I emphasize that success is not achieved overnight. Success is the result of our consistent actions over an extended period, eventually leading us to victory. Systematic action is the key here, with a consistent schedule of actions aimed at our goals, which is necessary to fulfill our dreams. However, it was only after several years of working with a well-thought-out calendar, in which I scheduled daily tasks to bring me closer to my goals, that I truly grasped the significance of this approach. It turns out that a daily schedule and daily rituals enable us not only to work towards our future but also to fully embrace the present, which is desired by many as ‘here and now.’

Thanks to a well-developed plan and systematic, repetitive activities, we become familiar with their course. Knowing what comes next allows us to focus on the present moment and experience it fully, as we’re not constantly thinking about ‘what to do next.’ In my e-book, ‘Organize Your Life,’ I discuss the importance of planning even seemingly mundane activities, such as personal hygiene. Without going into extensive detail, which spans several pages, the repetition of processes during, for example, a shower enables us to focus on the present moment, feeling the water flowing down our bodies, the scent of the shower gel, and the warmth on our skin. In contrast, when we’re in the shower, our thoughts often drift to the following day and creating lists of tasks. The schedule is not meant to create a new obsession or area of control but to help us avoid a constant race of thoughts.

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While reading Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of the Present,’ I gained an understanding of our ‘restless mind’ and the daily sense of dissatisfaction, lack, and emptiness we experience in the ‘now,’ which leads us to focus on ‘I will be’ instead of ‘I am.’ The ego, which opposes our true self, gives us a false sense of self-worth and security. It develops as we receive feedback from our environment that we are insufficient. The stream of thoughts is directly related to our ego – we ponder about ‘what if’ things were better, ‘what if’ we had given a better response, and we imagine an ideal future. We become prisoners of our intellect. We constantly desire more, aiming for improvement and perfection, and we identify with the false image in our minds. Evaluating and judging thoughts are products of the ego, whereas thoughts without judgment are tools of our mind and are closely connected to our ego.

Being ‘here and now’ entails recognizing who we are and what the truth represents. We must utilize our minds as tools for living in the present. The key is to learn to silence our racing thoughts, and we can achieve this through planning, creating a schedule, while always remembering that the ultimate goal is to exist in the ‘now.’

When our self-confidence grows, our ego hungers for future perfection. We sense ‘lack’ when we pause, and it’s the ego’s role to divert us from this uncomfortable feeling of lack. Consequently, we experience a flurry of thoughts and tasks, concentrating on external accomplishments and activities. True fulfillment only arises when we are present, in the now, allowing us to draw from within. You may not fully comprehend it with your mind, although I strive to explain it 😛; you can feel it, but the fullness of existence is only realized when we quiet our restless minds. At that moment, we feel that we possess everything and need nothing because we are whole in ourselves. The ego craves excess, while the true self is minimalist, sufficient, and complete without excess.

Ewa Baszun and I delve into this topic in one of the episodes on our youtube channel, and you can watch it below.

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart, oh

As a youth, Hercules was different from other teenagers. He was not socially accepted and was considered a freak, a rarity of nature. From this lack of acceptance and the trauma of rejection, a profound need for belonging emerged, and his ego generated an even stronger desire for fame and recognition. Thoughts raced through his mind about the allure of fame – to be praised, applauded, appreciated, and loved. It wasn’t until the conclusion of his journey that he experienced enlightenment and understood the true essence of his aspirations. He realized that the strength of a hero resides in the heart, and that glory is unnecessary. Even when he had it, he still felt emptiness and scarcity. It was only then that he comprehended the real meaning of being a true hero.

The story is a wonderful fairy tale that touches upon dreams, the search for one’s own path, love, and acceptance. However, as I grow older and my mind occasionally fixates on the idea of fame, I no longer view it merely as an exceptional piece of cinematography. Instead, I see it as a reflection of myself in the mirror, prompting me to question the extent of ego within me and how often I am truly ‘here and now.’ How about your ego and dreams?

Organize your life.

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Artykuł Dreams of Fame pochodzi z serwisu Untold.